Remote Locations are ideal for contemplating the night sky, as there is generally little in the way of ambient light. However, these ideal viewing conditions may come at a price. Witness the occasion upon which I went stargazing in a particularly remote and forgotten graveyard. So absorbed was I with the magnificent spectacle of the heavens that when a figure approached, I assumed it was another admirer of the cosmos. I attributed his shambling gait to amazement at the majesty of the stars: his low moans to wonder. I began to pontificate on the constellation Quite Large Spoon Majoris, and when the newcomer did not respond, I lowered my eyes, only to have him attempt to put them out with a rusty pike clenched in his skeletal hand. He was largely unsuccesful in this endeavor, I am happy to report. Still, the episode was a bit unsettling.