CAPE CANAVERAL -- NASA scientists confirmed that the eroded remains of the Alba Patera crater on Mars precisely match the face of President Mead. "It's him!" declared Senior Planetary Specialist Kevlar Umla. "There's his nose, that ridge, see? See the crater rim marking his hairline? The way he combs his hair appearing in this region of parallel valleys?"
The White House had no comment. However, Martin Wisdom, president of EA (Enemies of Aliens), told Midnight Sun: "This is the evidence we have been looking for, a warning that Mr. Mead is not human. He is probably a Martian General, a war hero, come here to conquer the Earth with the assistance of the United Nations." -- Ryan Allan, Staff Writer